When you have an addiction it’s even harder when thoughts creep in such as, “Why did I eat the entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s last night?” “I wish I would have helped my son study for his test instead of being on Facebook for so long. I’m so afraid he’s going to fail another test.”

When your mind is filled with distractions and regrets it is impossible to focus on the now. You may wonder why living in the now, focusing on each moment is so important. The reason is simple: Living in the moment—feeling what’s happening around us—can help us find joy where we least expect it. Addictions often come from lack of joy in our lives. When we lack happiness and feel only mundane routines day in and day out we are likely to either live out our entire lives only experiencing occasional happiness, or seek out joy in other ways, such as taking on an addiction.

So what if the next time you crawl in to bed, exhausted from another hectic but routine day, you tried something new. Instead of recapping the things you didn’t accomplish that day, then starting a new mental list of all the things you need to get done the next day (which will only prolong sleep), you try focusing on the coolness of the sheets, the softness of the blankets, the comfort of your pillow. Run your hands across the sheets and feel how silky and soft they are. Stretch your leg out across the bed and really take in the comfort and relaxation your bed brings you. Hint: If you begin to stretch your leg out and hit a dog with your foot, time to boot the pooch. He may be like a child to you, but he is stifling your relaxation and your sleep whether you realize it or not.

On the way to drop off the kids, commute to work, or run errands try popping in an audio book or some music you absolutely love. Put on your mp3 player and headphones while you vacuum. Really take in what the reader is discussing, or dance to the beat of the music while you clean. I guarantee you’ll take delight in focusing on even those small things and begin to feel moments of joy. You’ll begin to seek out more opportunities to create joy in your day and before you realize it, the mundane life you thought you had will suddenly feel much different. One more hint: I don’t recommend trying to dance while driving, though, or the joy you were feeling will quickly disappear when you hit the car in front of you!

You can also try reminding yourself to stay in the moment through self-talk. When getting out of bed in the morning, say, “I am getting out of bed, I am putting my feet on the floor, I am walking to the bathroom,” etc.  Self-talk is a way to occupy the mind and remind yourself that you are “right here, right now.” Staying in the present is really all we have. The past is over and tomorrow has not yet come.

I’ve been writing about “soft addictions” a lot lately because I think this is an epidemic that isn’t being discussed. When the media, movies or even television shows mention the word “addict” they are typically referring to someone who is hooked on meth, crack, or some other hard-core addictive drug you buy on the street.

But there is so much more to addiction and people can fill their emptiness through any number of distractions that eventually become a need. I invite you to read the article by clicking here: The 8 Most Surprising Addictions. You may be surprised by the information that the author shares!

Please share your reviews of the article, thoughts or comments here.

Many addictions start when a person feels an emptiness inside that they can’t seem to fill in their daily life. The cause of the emptiness can arise from a feeling of insecurity, of lack, longing, or something that’s never been fulfilled in their lives. There are other signs aside from addiction that a person is unfulfilled in their life:

1) A need to fill silence. Often, people who feel an emptiness cannot stand the quiet as it leaves them alone with their thoughts, and that can be too much to bare for someone who is in emotional distress.

2) Inability to feel joy from things that used to bring you happiness.

3) Fear of allowing your emotions to surface. Many people are afraid of what may happen if they acknowledge their emptiness. They also may be afraid of other people’s reactions if their true feelings are shared with others. These fears will cause many to keep feelings stuffed deep inside, allowing their pain to fester.

It’s easy to become addicted to things that are bad for us–temptation is all around us. And for just a few minutes, maybe even a couple of hours, we fill that hole inside with a superficial joy we get when we buy that pair of shoes we can’t afford but just love, or we dig in to that pint of Ben & Jerry’s while we watch American Idol. But eventually that same old feeling of emptiness and longing returns. No high lasts forever, and the shame that often follows can only cause more damage.

So what are some ways a person can begin to discover the path to a joyful and fulfilling life?

1) Plant a garden. Whether it’s vegetable or flower, something about nourishing and caring for living things fulfills us and brings us happiness. Live in an apartment or somewhere you are unable to keep a garden? Try a small, potted herb garden. You can grow wonderful herbs to cook with if you are a chef, or healing, nice smelling herbs such as lavender if you prefer.

2) Learn something new. What have you always been interested in the back of your mind but have never been daring enough to try? Now’s the time. Choose something that excites you. You never know; it may lead to a new passion or life’s calling!

3) Volunteer. Like caring for a garden, caring for others (people, animals, etc.) gives us a euphoric feeling similar to the feeling one gets from an addiction. The nice thing about volunteering is that you’re doing something wonderful for yourself rather than hurting yourself. Not to mention the joy you’ll bring those you serve!  By putting your focus on someone else and taking your mind off your own situation you can gain a little “outside” perspective on how to handle it.

4) Spend more time with those you love. They will support your efforts to change rather than drag you down again, and it’s a reminder that you are loved, and what can be more fulfilling than that?

5) Find faith. I’m not suggesting this is the end-all, be-all answer for everyone, but for many it can be. Some people find the joy they’ve been missing through practicing religion or a practice, whether it’s by going to church, sitting in a park observing nature, or meditating, this may bring you the peace you’ve been missing.  You need to be able to find something more powerful than you, something or someone that has your back!  Remember, you can’t create change from the mindset you created your current situation in.

6) Surrender:  You have to surrender all that you can’t handle.  You have to let go completely to the Universe/God/Nature…. If you were able to do it by yourself you would have already fixed it.

7) Get help.  If you have been unsuccessful in refraining from your vices get help.  There are support groups in your area and online.  You don’t have to do this alone and your success rate is extremely high with the help of a professional.  Call me!

In the end, Whitney had lost nearly everything due to her addictions to drugs and shopping. Her home was in foreclosure, she was penniless, and she had lost control of her life.

The truth is that prescription drug addiction doesn’t affect just celebrities. It can take just one visit to your doctor for pain or anxiety meds and you can become dependent on them–even after the original affliction is gone.

Addictions don’t care what race, color, religion or economic class you’re in; addiction is addiction. And although addiction to prescription drugs seems to be a fairly new phenomenon the truth is that people have struggled with it for many years.

But I’d like to focus in on the group we’re seeing struggle with this the most: Middle and upper-class women. We so often assume that drug addicts are either actors, rock stars, low-income or even homeless people. But studies increasingly show that this particular segment of the population shows the largest increase in prescription drug abuse. Some use anti-anxiety medicine such as Ativan or Xanax or pain killers such as Vicodin or Hydrocodon to relieve the stress they feel trying to achieve so much. Others choose to raid their children’s Aderall or Ritilan to get that “pick-me-up” they think they need to get everything done. Some use both.

Why is this particular class so affected by this affliction? Because of the pressure we feel, whether self-inflicted or from outside sources, to accomplish so much. We want to be the best at our jobs, the perfect homemaker, physically fit, have children who are perfect at every endeavor. We entertain, are responsible for all of the errands and laundry AND we still make time to volunteer. How could any one humanly possible, achieve so much? To read this list it seems ridiculous, yet we pressure ourselves to show the world that we are the best mom, wife and employee. So how can one tackle this mounting to-do list? Popping pills is the solution many women choose.

It can be someone in your church, your next door neighbor, or even your best friend and you may never know that she is suffering quietly with her secret. And believe me, she is suffering. She may have started out using Hydrocodone for a back injury she received in a yoga class, but two pills each day soon became four, then eight.

Why would this woman, the person who seems to have it so together and achieve anything and everything she sets out to do, become addicted to drugs? Because she feels pressure to keep up the facade she is so often complimented on. She doesn’t know how to break the vicious cycle. After all, people count on her. And she doesn’t know who she can confide in or how to tell them. In fact, she may not even realize her self that she has a problem.

My point? That as women we tend to suffer in silence. We don’t want to burden others with our problems–after all, we’re supposed to help everyone else with their problems, right? And sadly, she may become a statistic just like Whitney Houston.

If you suffer from an addiction to prescription medicines or know someone who is, the time to seek help is now. The people closest to you will not feel let down by your addiction or judge you for it. They love you and want to help you through this time in your life.

If you truly don’t feel you can speak about your problem to anyone around you or are just too scared or embarrassed, please seek outside help. Whether it’s through a coach such as myself, or a rehabilitation center in your community please don’t wait. Take action. It may save your life!

Some addiction centers who can help:

-    Betty Ford Center: (800) 434-7365
-    Caron Foundation    http://www.caron.org
-    Rose Rehab: (888) 471-0435
-    The Good Drugs Guide: List of rehab centers by area listed at http://www.thegooddrugsguide.com/treatment-centers/recovery-programs.htm

Not quite ready for the next step? Please contact me by email, Sheri@SheriRowland.com, or phone, (956) 278-0512 if you just want to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through and can help you so you don’t have to suffer in silence any more!

Do any of these sound familiar? When these thoughts creep in how do you respond? Do you sit down with paper and a pen and write down all the ways you are a terrific mom? Create a budget? Make a list of the jobs you might love to do?

Or do you poor another glass of wine and jump on the internet to play Angry Birds or see what your first love is doing on Facebook? Maybe you
start putting in more hours at work to avoid being at home. Busy work like this may make you feel like you don’t have time to deal with the issues that keep you up at night, but the truth is that it’s just a distraction. It’s your brain’s way of putting up a protective shield and keeping you from dealing with what is really bothering you.

It’s a natural instinct that you may not even be aware of and although it may be a temporary fix, it’s simply a Band Aid masking a wound that will never heal unless you make a decision to take action. Easier said than done, right? You’d be surprised how easy it can be once you are in the right mindset, it just takes practice.

So I want you to practice just one simple step every time one of these thoughts sneaks in. Instead of finding something “really important” that you just have to take care of–like making your Christmas card list for 2012–I want you to stop, take a deep breath, and simply say to yourself, “Yes, I do deserve to ___________ (fill in the blank).” Each time you say it, it will come more easily to you and soon you will find that by saying “Yes” to a better life, the Universe will give you just what you’re asking for!

We’re humans, and by and large that implies that we will do things we regret later.  Whether it’s walking out of the store with bags full of things you know you don’t need, but just “had to have” (even though it meant charging another $700 to your credit card), or waking up regretting that extra couple of drinks you had (again) last night, we all have moments when we’d like to have a do-over.

Some call it impulsiveness, some call it addiction, but whatever you call it you deserve a second chance (or a third or fourth!). There are no limits to the number of times you can reset and get a fresh start.

Unfortunately, many people don’t believe they are deserving of a fresh start. Maybe it’s something from their past, something they learned as a child, or maybe it’s a symptom of something traumatic that is much more recent. These impulses are a sign that there is something deeper that needs your attention, and you deserve to give yourself that attention in the form of a “do-over.”

So as the new year approaches–a time of renewal–I’d like to encourage you to take these simple steps to help you get started:

1) Forget it. You cannot undo what’s been done and beating yourself won’t help. This is not to say that you shouldn’t take responsibility for it–you absolutely should. But do it once and only once, then…

2) Release it. It will not serve you to hang on to that guilt or regret. That is baggage you do not need and until you release it you will have a difficult time repairing it. Now that you’ve let it go, it’s time to…

3) Reset. Just completely start again. It’s a new day and each new day brings a new beginning for every one of us and we all deserve it!

As part of resetting, I want you to stay focused on what you DO want to do rather than what you DO NOT want to do. You are much more likely to achieve your goals by focusing on the positive thing you want than you are when you focus on the negative thing you don’t, right? That includes your new beginning!

So, grab a cup of tea and some quite time and list the cost to you of continuing these behaviors.  How much did you overspend on gifts this Christmas?  How does the extra 30 lbs. make you feel about yourself? What does spending way too much time on social media cost you in your business? If you are using substances and checking out more than you should, what is that costing you in your relationship with yourself and others?

Now list out 10 new behaviors you want to portray in 2012.  It could be setting a budget or savings acct., joining a gym, limiting your time on social media, etc….

I would love to hear your goals for 2012!

Best wishes to you during this time of renewal!

I truly believe that in order to get your financial house in order you must also deal with any outstanding loans and make a decision on how you will bring this unsettled matter to a close. Until you deal with your feelings and bring it to a conclusion not only are you holding on to resentment but you are not tying up those financial loose ends.

To help you deal with any outstanding issues and encourage you to get a fresh financial start in 2012 I invite you to read, consider and answer the following questions:

1) “How does this matter make you feel? What are you afraid of when you consider bringing the matter up to the person who borrowed the money?”
(be detailed and specific)

2) “If I was released from worry of what that other person feels, how would I feel?”

Then I want you to answer the next question.

3) “Why would I feel those amazing feelings? It’s because ____.” What’s going to flow from you after the word “because” is “because I believe____,” “because I would be ____,” or “because I would then ____.”

Whatever naturally flows from you, just let it flow.

4) Why would you feel relief, happiness, freedom, joyfulness, excitement or readiness to take action?

Now, make a decision as to what action you will take and by when. Keep in mind that the person who borrowed the money from you may be feeling very similar feelings knowing that they owe you the money and haven’t been able to repay it.

Identifying your feelings and deciding what action you would like to take will make you feel lighter, less burdened. Keep your answers to the above questions in mind if you begin to doubt the action step you have decided to take and it will help you follow through and resolve those unresolved money matters.

Why is it so important to draw unsettled matters to a close? Because when you rid yourself of clutter, be it incomplete tasks, emotional worries, or finances you create room for the Universe to send positive things your way. And who doesn’t want to organize their finances so that more money can flow in?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment in the area below.

As I sat there listening it struck me that these are likely struggles that men do not experience. For example, do you think men have a difficult time walking the fine line of maintaining femininity yet still being seen as a powerful business leader? I kind of doubt it.

But we women typically make decisions based on how we “feel” about a situation, where men tend to make cognitive decisions, then decide to take action. I am not saying that “feeling” is a bad thing, but the right feeling doesn’t always come along in a timely manner, often causing us to miss the boat on great opportunities. You know that saying, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”? Ladies, it’s time we start applying it to our businesses. The feeling of fear can be confused with the feeling of excitement. It can also be a sign that an incredible breakthrough is ready to happen.

How about asking for help and support. After all, women are supposed to be able to do it all themselves, right?  Wrong! I see women every day who suffer in silence and alone—and it doesn’t need to be that way. We ladies need to stick together and support each other. Let’s face it, with that whole Venus and Mars thing going on sometimes men and women just don’t get each other. Don’t you want to have a community of women that sees you; your talents, gifts, skills, abilities, your spirit and most of all your potential?  A group of women that can hold the space and make it safe for you to step up into a new space?

And you know that feeling you have when you face your fear and do it anyway? Wow, what a rush when you make yourself do something you are scared of—and come out on the other side unscathed! The great news is that you don’t have to do the fire walk alone!

So what’s a girl to do? It’s easier than you think to seek and find support for your business. Here are just a few steps you can take now:

1) Create a Master Mind group. In case you’re not familiar with this term, a Master Mind group consists of 4-6 peers who schedule a regular meeting (either face-to-face or virtual) where each takes a few minutes to discuss their current successes, challenges and ideas. Then the others in the group can provide feedback on overcoming obstacles and how to turn their ideas into their next success.

2) Check out fantastic online resources like WomenEntrepreneur.com, WomenHomeBusiness.com, and BizWomen.com or on Facebook; “Running A Business in Your Feminine”.  It’s like one-stop shopping for resources on creating a successful business!

3) Take a seat—at one of the many fantastic live and virtual events for women in business. You’ll be surprised at the volume of priceless information you can receive at these events.  As Sheri McConnell would say, “Are you going to a live event? Make sure you do… an hour at the right event can be the same as six months behind the computer.” Sheri, the voice of Smart Women Entrepreneurs, always advises women to attend no less than one live event each quarter if they are taking their businesses seriously.
Money tight? No worries, there are plenty of inexpensive or free events available that also include valuable information you can use. Check out your local SCORE office for information or visit www.score.org for a few in your area.

4) Join some of the amazing organizations that meet locally and virtually such as the International Association of Women in Business Community (IAWBC.org) National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO), American Business Women’s Association (AWBA), Savor The Success, and if you’re in the Dallas/Fort Worth area there’s 3CforWomen.com.

5) Get a coach! It may seem like a shameless plug, but in a recent study by the International Coach Federation, statistics show that of business owners surveyed the average reported the following increases:

62.4% smarter goal-setting
60.5% more balanced life
57.1% lower stress levels
52.4% more self-confidence
43.3% improvement ?n quality ?f life
25.7% more income

If you expect clients to invest in you then you have to be willing to invest in yourself. It’s that simple. Since I made the decision to pay more for my coach and training it’s been so much easier to ask for what I know I’m worth, and feel comfortable asking my clients to step up to the plate!

Take steps today–even if they’re baby steps–towards taking your business to the next level. Putting these woman-powered resources to work for you can not only help your business reach new heights of success, but help take pressure off of you knowing that you have a village of women who understand and support you on your road to reaching that success. Miracles happen putting one foot in front of the other!

I would love to hear your comments! Please send me an email or post on my blog.

“Courage…it isn’t about overcoming fear but not settling for less than we deserve.”

~Kathy Pike

Unfortunately, many people fear change. They assume any change equals bad change, when actually it can be the most positive thing you’ve ever encountered! The trick to enjoying change is learning to trust your own judgment when a life change happens, or deciding to take action when you know something is bad for you or no longer works. As we walk through day-to-day life certain rituals we have, habits, even people we’ve known for years become outdated and no longer serve the attitudes and desires of who we’ve become.

Have you ever heard about someone who was drowning in debt, struggling to make ends meet, then suddenly wins the lottery for millions, only to end up broke and on the verge of bankruptcy just a few years later? There’s a perfect example of someone who drew the death card but failed to take a wonderful opportunity (I mean, who wouldn’t love a chance like this?) to make real, positive change in their life!

Money is clearly one of the most difficult subjects any of us will face in our lifetime. It dictates so many decisions in our lives and it often seems like we have no control over it.

But think back to times that you may have had the opportunity to get your financial house in order. Maybe you got a raise, or received a sizable tax refund. What did you do with it? Did you think to yourself, “I really should put this money aside in case of an emergency.”? Or did you think, “Great! I’m going to book that vacation to Tahiti!” Granted, we’d all love to take an extravagant vacation, but when you draw the death card and have an opportunity to make a change, no matter how big or small it seems, will you stick with the old, comfortable habits (even if they no longer serve you) or will you seize the opportunity to make a change that may benefit you for the rest of your life?

Because of all the emotion money can bring, feelings of fear, avoidance and flat out denial are all common ways people deal with their finances. Whether you are faced with financial disarray due to unemployment, divorce, debt, bankruptcy, or even death of a loved one, the good news is you don’t have to visit a Tarot reader to start making changes in your life that you likely already know you need to make. Granted, it may feel more comfortable playing the “avoidance card” (ok, I just made that up) than the death card which forces us to do something that may be difficult. But, I promise you, it won’t be nearly as difficult as you think. The short-term pain you’ll feel from making change in your life (think of it as ripping off a Band Aide) will forever be replaced by the peace and comfort you’ll feel knowing you looked that death card in the face and said, “Welcome! Nice to meet you!”