Sheri Rowland

#ConfidenceInsideandout

Holidays are a special time of the year. There is always something so special in my mind when I know that all the family is coming together for a holiday.  

I know there will be celebration, laughter, deep conversations and maybe some tears.  Usually the tears shed are for our loved ones that are no longer with us and we miss their presence or even laugh till in tears!  

Have you ever noticed how when the family comes together and your adult children, all fall back into their roles as they were as a child.  Their birth order.  

I do it with my own brother and sister when we get together.  Even though I am an adult today, I still fall back as the “baby” (the youngest child).  Those roles will never change.  

This year I found myself falling back into some old  “Codependent” behavior when my ex husband and I and all the children got together for Christmas.  

I always have high hopes that we will be one BIG happy family, that everyone will get along and all feel so loved.  Even though I think they do… my doubts creep in and I feel that they don’t.  

I feel that they could have felt closer, or loved more, or spent better quality time with each other than they did.  I want it to be the BEST time they ever had and make incredible memories to remember forever.  

I am a caretaker by nature.  Always have been and most likely, always will be.  It is in my nature and is my profession.  It is difficult at times to get away from since it comes so natural for me.  

Despite my best intentions, when I step in and want to change or control situations, I am also depriving the person I am sheltering of the lessons they need to learn and grow from. The lesson of asking for what they want.  The lesson of speaking up for themself.  The lesson of what it is like to not have what they want.  Lessons I want them to learn.  I especially don’t want to be seen as “nagging” rather than helping and probably more times than I would like to admit … it was seen as nagging.  

I also think there is an internal pressure to do it as good as my Mother did for the holidays.  Now that she has past, I realize how much work she put into making us feel so welcomed, having beautifully set tables, eye pleasing presentations of delicious foods and enough seating for everyone.  It was picture perfect!  I don’t do it so well.  

I have to remind myself that I can do anything, but I can’t do everything and let some of the grown adults take over some of the activities.  

I need to concentrate on me more than others at times.  

Know when to take care of myself.  I can always leave if I need to.

I found this great article on a FB page that I felt was appropriate and wanted to share it with you…..

Wild Woman Sisterhood

December 25, 2018 at 1:37 PM · 

Holidays at Midlife

I am no longer waiting for a special occasion; I burn the best candles on ordinary days.

I am no longer waiting for the house to be clean; I fill it with people who understand that even dust is Sacred.

I am no longer waiting for everyone to understand me; It’s just not their task.

I am no longer waiting for the perfect children; my children have their own names that burn as brightly as any star.

I am no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop; It already did, and I survived.

I am no longer waiting for the time to be right; the time is always now.

I am no longer waiting for the mate who will complete me; I am grateful to be so warmly, tenderly held.

I am no longer waiting for a quiet moment; my heart can be stilled whenever it is called.

I am no longer waiting for the world to be at peace; I unclench my grasp and breathe peace in and out.

I am no longer waiting to do something great; being awake to carry my grain of sand is enough.

I am no longer waiting to be recognized; I know that I dance in a holy circle.

I am no longer waiting for Forgiveness. I believe, I Believe.

-Mary Anne Perrone

Photo: Ingmari Lamy 
Photo Artist: Lina Michal

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