ABOUT ME, SHERI! Her motto: "Life is short, so go for the gusto”! Sheri Rowland is a Transformation Coach for Women. Sheri has spent 35+ years of her life dedicated to helping others manage life transitions from addictions, to unhealthy relationships to then ...
#ConfidenceInsideandout
Intimacy now or later?
Right now, we are in some difficult times and being intimate may be the last thing on your mind when you are worried or stressed out not knowing what your future will bring. I get it. But now more than ever, we need intimacy. We need connection. We need touch.
I remember days in my marriage when I just wasn’t feeling it. I was eight years into my marriage, 7 years into motherhood, my idea of a perfect evening was to put on my pj’s, crawl into bed, open up a good book and, well, not be touched. After all, I spent most of my days drowning in the needs of others and, sometimes, it felt like my body was not even my own.
Today, I know that intimacy tends to produce more intimacy. And now, more than ever, it’s important to keep those connections with our romantic partners strong.
Even when we have zero interest in sex. Yes, I said that!
ZERO! NADA!
Most of us think that being intimate is directly linked to sex and when we don’t want to have sex we cut off all forms of connection with our partner.
We may feel that if we are not into sex right now, you fear any kind of connection will elicit sex…so you don’t. The other partner knowing you are not “in the mood” may be feeling that why initiate any type of connection when it may not go anywhere. Intimacy is now a sore subject that will lead to resentments and resentment will destroy a relationship.
You may also be feeling guilt. If you are one of those that are just not into sex right now, you may feel that you are a bad partner, a “bother” to their partner or that their partner may lose interest or love in them if the sex piece is missing in the relationship. And to the other partner, they may be feeling rejected or their partner has lost interest or love for them.
Fortunately, there are other ways to maintain feelings of connection in nonsexual ways that can help each partner feel assured that their relationship is not totally off the rails because sex is just not happening.
Here are few nonsexual activities to help with your connection.
- Find segments of time where you both can plan an activity together where you are both available and present to one another. Just the two of you! That means, no cellphone, no tv, no distractions. This shows your partner that you are present, not distracted and they have your undivided attention. As you both are looking forward to this time together, it builds positive anticipation and anticipation is always a good thing. (a 15 minute chat at the end of the day or before bed, sit outdoors for awhile in silence, cook a dinner together, have pillow talk) No to-do list, no complaints, no guilt trips!
- Play some soft music to set the vibe. No need to go all out with candles and flowers or this can cause one to feel “pressured” to perform or possibly anxious. That is not what you want right now. Just nonsexual connection for now.
- Staying physically connected during this brief time. That can be small gestures of kindness, hand holding, an arm around the others neck, hand on the knee. Any gesture that conveys love, comfort, support with no sexual expectations. This will help keep you two physically connected and make a habit out of touch.
4. Stay connected NO MATTER WHAT!
Over the years, we change how we see intimacy. Young in the relationship, it was most likely lying next to one another watching a movie, spooning, or just looking into each others eyes. Today, your end goal is just stay connected.
Here is a great smoothie recipe to help stimulate more connection.
Make it in the mornings together with the anticipation that it will bring you closer together. This Erection Smoothie will work for both of you!!
wink. wink! :>)
Let me know how it works for you and your partner !!! :>)
XOXO,
0